Comments on: Guest Post: Friendship Survival for Childfree Women

By: LaTrice

LaTrice — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 01:43:18 +0000

I want to thank you for sharing your wisdom. I have to agree that acceptance and patience are the most important ingredients for an enduring friendship. I have a best friend that I met from college, and we’ve known each other for ten years!! Although I’m single with no children of my own, my best friend will be getting married in a few weeks, and has two children (BOTH of them are my godchildren).

I know that we don’t spend a lot of time with each other, but we’re still VERY close. We do catch up on the phone and text messages every now and then, and still take the time to visit each other (especially when my best friend needs “girl time,” I’ll come to her rescue). Besides, I do enjoy babysitting the kids, so I have nothing but LOVE for the both them!! I LOVE kids, and that makes it easier to keep the both of our lives connected. My best friend wants godchildren someday, so for now, I need to find the RIGHT man, finish college, and get started on my career.

I value our friendship, and it’s something that I will NEVER trade for the world!!! 🙂

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:23:37 +0000

I, too, am childless. I’m also partner-less. Both have their benefits but also their drawbacks.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 06:13:33 +0000

I prefer the old-fashioned term “childless.” It’s a better description for my situation. I did not actively choose to be “free” of children. For myriad reasons, I ended up childless. Some moms I’ve been friends with have told me I have no idea how much harder their lives are, because of having to be a mom 24-7 with no break. Not much sleep. Can’t talk on the phone without constantly being interrupted by the kids’ dramas. You know, the usual thing. But I want to say, “But you also have the GOOD things! The hugs, the love, the sweet times … the fun. Your home is always filled with life.” This seems so simply and obvious to me, yet seems to elude these moms. I know they don’t regret becoming mothers. But they are so short sighted to not realize that childless women may have more free time but they also don’t get to have the joys of motherhood. It’s just a trade-off, that’s all. Neither side has it better or worse.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:11:23 +0000

we both miss each other, too (my friend with kids and me, single, without)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:58:00 +0000

I am 42yo, with a married 23yo daughter & now a grandbaby, who doesn’t live with me. (They live in another state-far away)
Most of the women I meet are somewhat younger than me with child(ren). I don’t mind that they have child(ren), but they assume I do, because I don’t “seem” to have any children.
Yes, my daughter is grown and lives her own life and I am a grandmother, but I would still like to get know you and see if we have anything in common.
I am not old lady with 10 cats. I feel and look younger than my age with many interests and I don’t mind if you have to take your child(ren) along. For example, the beach, mall, or community event.
But they back off from me because at least it seems because they think we won’t have anything in common because I am a grandmother with a grown child, not younger children.
I’m confused as to what to do.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:36:10 +0000

There were times when my friend seemed to resent my freedom because I chose to not have kids as I am the oldest of eight and felt that I already had done that responsibility very early in life. I guess she thought I wasn’t making enough effort because being a mother is a 24 hour job and would make comments about how everthing was so convenient for me and such.
I really enjoyed being an Auntie for a time to my friend with kids, and miss seeing them at times, wondering how they are doing and going to restaurants with them and seeing their perspective on things as my friend is a very dedicated mother.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:57:41 +0000

Well it kinda stands in the area of parents and getting single people to fit around them- put parents first because they have kids. So they are more important and the single person – as always- has to be the understanding one. Rubbish. Im single and childless- my friend is married with a new baby. I know she doesnt have much time as before but she comes over every month with the baby and we catch up. She misses me as much as i miss her. Yes she has a baby so i know she wont be having late nights and going to bars etc so yes i can make allowances for that. That isnt rocket science. But our friendship is still strong. Instinctively you know things about the other. Its the same if i broke my leg- dad was sick- you know it. But that doesnt make you less important.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:44:03 +0000

I have to agree, the article did not address everything about maintaining the friendship on both sides. Childfree, single women are perceived as having all of this free time, only care about work (I don’t live to work), and have it thrown in their face by smug married friends with kids. In fact, I have found the opposite, where its the new parents whom drop their single, whether childfree or childless friends. So, this article did not really help.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:21:51 +0000

This article assumes when you have a child you want cut off from your old life, or so it sounded to me. Possibly that’s how her friends wanted it. I have a 9 year old son, and last year had another baby. My best friend is married also but child-free by choice and although at first I thought she would run, she didn’t. And I’ve made it very clear to her that I want to take advantage of every opportunity we have to continue to nurture our friendship. She needs mom-less friends and I need mom-friends, but our relationship is very important and we do different things together, with and without my kids. My husband is gracious enough to take over for a couple hours here and there so I can go out. I wouldn’t have it any other way as a mom adjusting to life with a baby in the house again.

By: beth26

beth26 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:03:25 +0000

As a single woman, I completely agree. Because I am single, my choices are all “recreational” not “serious” like my friends with children.

By: WonderWhy

WonderWhy — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 08:00:20 +0000

I would have liked the author of this article to present a case for both sides. The three suggestions aren’t clear that they would apply for both the single friend and the married friend. Maybe I need to reread the article. As a single woman with married friends, I find that this article doesn’t accurately reflect just how tricky these kinds of friendships can be. Sometimes friendships between single women and married women don’t last because one or both women aren’t willing to meet in the middle and compromise, to save and nurture the friendship. The married friend always uses her children as an excuse for being busy, whereas the single friend is never viewed as busy because she doesn’t have children. Well, as a single woman, my schedule gets just as crazy as my married friends. What I don’t appreciate is when my married friends throw my single status in my face as though my life isn’t as important as theirs since I don’ t have children. I would have liked the author to address those issues instead of just three ways women can maintain friendships with single and married friends. It wasn’t really a helpful article to me at all.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:40:47 +0000

Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I agree that patience and acceptance are two key ingredients to an enduring friendship. I have a good friend from high school. We met in the last year and are now both 39 years old. While I am single, without kids, she’s married, with two. Granted, we don’t spend as much time together as we used to but we’re still very close. We catch up on the phone every now and then and still take each other out for our birthdays. I babysit quite often for the kids. I love kids so that makes it easier to keep our lives connected. I value this friendship tremendously. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!